How to Apologize

Apologizing is easier said than done.  It’s hard coming off of of our ego and having to admit that we were wrong.  There’s many things that can go wrong in an apology.  The only way to do it right is to genuinely show remorse and remain humble.  That’s only the basics though.

What if I don’t apologize and ignore it?  It’ll go away with time like all wounds do.  If you don’t apologize, you are only helping prevent the wounds from healing.  It ruins relationships with family and friends, your reputation, and your opportunities.

Why I apologize asides from religious reasons, is that I genuinely want people to know me as a humble person.  I want to grow and learn as an activist and I realize that in learning, you make mistakes.

Assess the Situation.

Look at the mistake you did.  Assess what you did wrong and why.  This is when you have to really dig into the reasons why you did what you did and why what you did was wrong.  Go ahead and grab some paper while you’re reading this.  Write down everything that happened.  Vent about it and go on about how guilt is starting to set in.

Be Authentic

You’re going to need to show remorse. This isn’t something I can help you with. I can only say that you have to be honest.  You need to be nervous and upset.  You need to use your natural accent and the words in your everyday language.  Don’t start with, “I have been in a state of despondency over the period of time.”  That isn’t you.  “Hey man, I know what I did was wrong.  I don’t know how I can make it up to you, just really hope that you know I’m really sorry.” That is you.  That is the real you.  Show your vulnerable side.  That’s what comes with apologizing.

“Apologizing is a Conversation, Not a Monologue”

The above quote is from Watch Well Cast, an amazing youtube channel offering advice.  Now, you can’t expect for the person you wronged to immediately forgive you.  Expect the person to have a conversation about what happened.  Expect some (justified) anger from the other person. That’s okay.  You apologized and if they’re still upset that’s okay. Realize that the other person owes you nothing and it’s completely okay if they don’t forgive you.  It’s not their fault and don’t get upset with them for not forgiving you.

Now to Walk the Walk

Now you have to actually go through with what you apologized. You promised you would be more caring for the person’s feelings?  Go through with it.  Do little things to help them understand that you have learned your lesson.  

I wish you luck and hope you have the courage to do the right thing.

Tala

Bibiolography

• "How to Apologize: Asking for Forgiveness Gracefully." Communication Skills Training From MindTools.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 05 Dec. 2016.
• Http://www.Facebook.com/MannersMentor. "How to Apologize: The 7 Steps of a Sincere Apology." Manners Mentor. N.p., 2016. Web. 05 Dec. 2016.
• Watchwellcast. YouTube. YouTube, 26 Jan. 2013. Web. 05 Dec. 2016.

Hymen 101

Before you read this, I must tell you that this may be triggering to rape survivors.  This includes mention of sexual abuse.  Viewer discretion is advised.

If I were to ask my twelve year old self what a hymen was, my response would be a thin layer of tissue that covers the inside of the vagina.  Then, when you have sex it tears apart.  It wasn’t until several sex education videos later, I was proved wrong.  Plus, even if it was true where would the blood from our periods go.  Some people aren’t even born with a hymen.  

The hymen isn’t a stretchy bit of tissue covering the vagina.  It’s more of a thin, stretchy membrane that partially covers the vagina.  The hole in the hymen is big enough for most to put in tampons, cups, fingers, and yes having sexual intercourse.

There are cases where the hymen covers the vagina.  There are cases where the hymen has holes it and many more different hymens.  Realize that these conditions are real and allies must support the people with them.  Please realize this is for people with annular and parous introitous hymens.  I very well could talk about the different types of hymens but this is not the post that I will be doing so.

Sure, having sex can hurt because you bruise or tear the hymen if you’re not careful.  Before having intercourse, I recommend maybe even playing with fingers and sex toys with your partner for a few weeks in advance.  That may help prevent any incidents and will perhaps make you feel comfortable.  Even if the hymen is torn, it doesn’t mean it was because of sex.  Some people have had their hymen torn by exercise, horseback riding, doing the splits, and so much more.  And if they are torn, some even heal.  Nearly half of sexually active people with vaginas have an intact hymens.

This toxic and false idea is everywhere in the media.  You can see it in writings, music, and even on the big screen.  This isn’t the worst of it though.

Some people are forced to show officials whether they have an intact hymen.  If the person has been raped and has an intact hymen, they could be accused of lying.  If they don’t have an intact hymen, the person could be denied rights to their education, jobs, and many more.  In some countries, if the hymen is broken the family will beat the bride to reveal the name of whom they were cheating with.

To conclude, what a lot of people think is the hymen is a complete myth.  This isn’t just toxic in first world countries but in other countries, it’s a serious issue that causes people lives.  Bruised, torn, or intact hymen-don’t hurt your body.  Be careful and if you have pain having sex, see a doctor.  Stay safe and learn to unlearn the sexphobia the media has placed upon us.

Tala

Sources

• "Self-Exam: Vulva and Vagina - Our Bodies Ourselves." Our Bodies Ourselves. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.
• @PsychToday. "The Hymen: A Membrane Widely Misunderstood." Psychology Today. Michael Castleman, n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2011.
• "Is My Hymen Intact? | SexInfo Online." Is My Hymen Intact? | SexInfo Online. Sexperts, n.d. Web. 17 Feb. 2015.
• "The Hymen: Breaking the Myths - Our Bodies Ourselves." Our Bodies Ourselves. Christine Cupaiuolo, 2016. Web. 31 Dec. 2008.
• "Women and Global Human Rights." Women and Global Human Rights. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.
• "The Hymen." The Hymen | Female Health Topics for Teens. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.
• Collegehumor. YouTube. YouTube, 07 Dec. 2015. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.
• Posted under Health Guides. Updated 3 October 2014. Related Content. "Types of Hymens." Center for Young Womens Health. Health Guides, 3 Oct. 2014. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.
• Hilliard, Paula J. "Imperforate Hymen." Imperforate Hymen: Background, Problem, Epidemiology. Medscape, 22 Mar. 2016. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.
• "Virginity Test - How to Know If a Girl Is a Virgin." Virginity Test - How to Know If a Girl Is a Virgin | Futurescopes.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.

Pathological Lying in Child Abuse Survivors

Before you read this, I must tell you that this may be triggering to abuse survivors.  This includes mention of manipulation, physical abuse, and much more.  Viewer discretion is advised.

Pathological lying is seen by outsiders as cruel and manipulative without their knowledge of why people lie.  What if the friends you knew were pathological liars?  Are you a pathological liar and a child abuse survivor?  Here's an explanation on why.

But first, what is a pathological liar?  A pathological liar is one who lies impulsively and without the thought of consequence.  Often, pathological liars will lie when there serves n benefit to themselves.

Many victims of child abuse may have been told to lie.  Like a brother telling his sibling that he should tell their guardian that the bruises were from karate class.  Another example would be a father telling the child lies about his ex-wife.  Many times, though not all, pathological liars have grown up in a toxic environment.

Now that the child has grown up and perhaps distanced themselves from their toxic environment-the lying has become a habit and a form of defense.

It's no secret that pathological lying is linked to personality disorders, neuropsychological problems, and impulse problems.

If you are a pathological liar born from trauma, I encourage you to seek help and treatment.  There are others going through the same problems you face and recovery is possible.

And to people that aren't pathological liars, please stay emphatic.  That isn't to say that if someone is toxic, you must stay with them.  I only ask that you educate others and yourself about the symptoms of illnesses that you might not be comfortable with.

Sources

Http://facebook.com/Facebook.com/davidhosiermsc. "Pathological Lying : Its Link To Childhood Trauma." Child Abuse, Trauma and Recovery. David Hosier, 15 Aug. 2016. Web. 27 Nov. 2016.

"Adult Survivor and Pathological Lying." RSS. N.p.,
n.d. Web. 27 Nov. 2016.

Introduction

Hello everyone, I'm Tala Bautista.  I'm most known on Instagram @beautiful_feminst.  I frequently post photos spreading awareness for causes I care about.  A few but not all are racism, colorism, anti-semitism, ableism, sexism, and many more.

Outside of activism, I love makeup and beauty.  My heart flutters when I see someone’s confidence boost all because of makeup.  

I have played competitive volleyball for two years.  I frequently made the high school varsity team as a freshman.  My passion for volleyball is due to the feeling of power when I get an amazing dig.

I hope that doing this blog will help my writing skills.  I can’t wait to share my beliefs and educate myself on the way.  

Tala